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Are you afraid of getting a no? Most people don't like it, but let me show you why we shouldn't worry about it - because a no can quickly get us the yes we want.
This week I’ve been staying at a beautiful hotel in Houston, Texas, and it wasn’t until after I got here that I realized that I had forgotten my computer mouse at home in Las Vegas.
My laptop does have one of those touch pads, of course, but since I had several hours of video for my course on Confidence and Communication to edit, I really wanted something a little more efficient.
I had two options:
1. Uber into town, find an electronics store, and buy a mouse that I’d only use for about 4 days.
2. Borrow a mouse from someone at a hotel where I know no one.
I went with option 2, of course, because it sounded like a more fun challenge.
Now, as you might know, most hotels have a lost-and-found, and a lot of hotels will happily lend you things out of it for a couple of days if you need them.
But as I was about to learn, while people often leave behind things like phone chargers and books and such – not many people leave behind computer mice.
And in this particular case, no one had.
But I wasn’t about to give up that easily.
Here's what happened when I walked down to the front desk.
Me: “Hi, I have an optimistic question. You see, I just discovered that I left my computer mouse at home, and I have a lot of work to do that will go incredibly slow without one, so I was hoping you had one in the lost-and-found that I could borrow for a few days?”
Desk Lady (DL), almost a little patronizingly: “Haha, no, I’m sorry, I can tell you without even looking that there’s none in there.”
Me smiling: “Yeah, I thought that was a long shot. I did think about going into town and buying one, but that seems wasteful since I only need it for a few days.” (This is a very green, no waste-type of hotel, so I was playing off of that.) “What would you do if you were staying here and really needed one for just a couple of days?” (Helping her identify and empathize with me.)
DL: “Oh, I don’t know, really.” (She stops talking, assuming the conversation is over.)
Me: “Yeah…” (Silence. Made no sign of leaving the desk, as if I was expecting us to come up with an idea.)
DL after a few seconds: “Maybe there’s someone you could borrow one from?” (A little softer now.)
Me: “Yes, I thought about that, but I wouldn’t know where to start looking. Unless the hotel has a computer room?” (I knew they didn’t, but I wanted her to think about the hotel’s resources.)
DL: “No, I’m afraid we don’t.” (Short but nicely.)
Me: “Where would you look if you needed something like that for a little bit?” (Again asking her to put herself in my shoes.) “Do you guys have any office equipment at all that’s not in regular use?” (Baiting her to let me know what they have.)
DL: “Well, we do have the back office…”
Me, happily, before she can tell me why it’s off-limits, “really? That would be very helpful! Thanks so much!” (Giving her credit and encouraging her to feel good about herself.)
DL: “Ok, let me check.”
As she walked away to check she seemed deep in thought. But when she came back carrying a mouse she was smiling wide – happy to have fixed a problem and helped me out. And I greeted her with an even bigger smile and thank you, of course.
So remember, you don’t have to give up even if you get an initial no.
I got several “no” and “don’t know” answers, but I wasn’t about to stop trying until she confirmed that she either was not willing or able to help me.
By being persistent, pleasant, creating the feeling of her and me working together, helping her into my shoes, and not quitting or rushing the conversation – we solved the problem.
And now, every time I walked past her in the lobby she smiles and gives me a wave.
She feels good about herself for helping – even though she likely bent the rules for me - and I had a much more productive week than I otherwise would have had.
Does this stuff always work? No.
But that's ok, after all - you're not afraid of no anymore, are you? ;)
And if you combine this attitude with some of the skills I've written about before, like baiting and mirroring, we-arguments, or building alliances - you'll soon be unstoppable.
More than that, I can basically guarantee that you’ll get the results you’re after much more often if you have the confidence to stay in the situation and look for solutions longer than what most other people do.
If you also manage to make the other person feel good about the conversation – you’ll be golden.
If you would like to build your own social confidence and communication skills, I strongly encourage you to check out my online courses - right now at a discounted price!
Hi, I'm TJ Guttormsen.
Since 2009 I’ve coached clients ranging from Olympic gold medalists and billionaires, to people who simply want more out life.
I’ve done over 100 national media appearances, published books, and created online courses that have earned several “Highest Rated” titles from their 11 000+ members.
Today I coach clients from all over the world, and teach seminars for business and events from my home in Las Vegas.
Come join me in my Facebook group, follow my Instagram, or subscribe to my YouTube channel for fresh content on a regular basis.