5 exercises to improve your active listening skills.

Active listening is a critical skill for anyone who wants to connect more deeply with others, manage conflicts,  win negotiations, communicate more effectively, and more.

And as the name suggests, active listening isn’t just about hearing what’s being said – but about actively engaging with it.

There are many tips and tricks to mastering active listening, but today I want to share five simple (and often underestimated) techniques that can help you take your skills to the next level.

1. Pause before responding.

The need to fill a silence with words can be an active listener’s worst enemy. Don’t be afraid to leave a little silence in your conversations. 

By taking a beat or two before you respond to something important, meaningful, or complex, you achieve two things: 

1. You give the speaker time to add more information if they want to.
2. You signal that you’re actively reflecting on what they’ve said, which makes your response seem more thoughtful.

Your exercise: 

Engage someone you know in a conversation about a shared interest.

During the conversation, make a conscious effort to pause for a full second or two before responding to any statement they make that’s meaningful, insightful, interesting, or similar. 

This will help you build comfort with those slight silences and let you demonstrate your commitment to active listening.

2. Listen for underlying emotions.

Empathy can be a crucial component of active listening, and mastering it is often just a matter of practice.

Seek to understand the emotions behind the speaker’s message by paying attention to their tone, body language, and choice of words. Don’t assume that they feel the same way you would feel in their situation – unless the way they express themselves suggests that.

Your exercise: 

Engage in a conversation with someone about what’s going on in their life. While you listen, do your best not to imagine how you would feel – but to pay attention to how their words, tone, and body language suggest that they feel. 

Even if you’re generally an empathetic person, it can be a good idea to do this exercise now and again, especially when you talk to someone who tends to see things differently than you.

3. Practice reflective paraphrasing. 

To paraphrase is to summarize the speaker’s message in your own words. Reflective paraphrasing takes this one step further and adds your observation of how the speaker seems to feel about what they’re saying.

This can be very valuable in emotionally charged conversations. It demonstrates that you’re truly listening and that you understand them, which can significantly deepen the connection.

Statement: “I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with all these projects, I feel like I work non-stop.”

Reflective paraphrasing: “It sounds like your work is very challenging right now, and it’s beginning to take its toll.”

And reflective paraphrasing isn’t just valuable in deep or personal conversations with loved ones. It can be just as important when speaking with a colleague or client about something that they feel strongly about, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative.

Your exercise: 

Combine this with the previous exercise. When you believe you understand how the speaker feels about what they’re saying, reflectively paraphrase what you heard them say and how they seem to feel about it.

4. Use attentive body language.

Active listening isn’t just about the ears and mind – it involves the entire body. 

Maintain an open and attentive posture, hold eye contact, and nod occasionally to show that you’re engaged and present. 

These nonverbal cues play a significant role in making the speaker feel heard and respected.

Your exercise:

Practice an open and engaged body language in your daily conversations. 

Watch the speaker while they speak, keep your shoulders back and your body open, and use subtle movements of your head and/or hands to show them that you’re paying attention.

5. Eliminate distractions.

In today's digital age, distractions are everywhere, and our ability to actively listen usually skyrockets from the simple act of removing them.

Get into the habit of putting away your phone, turning off the TV, pausing your music, and – especially when having important, deep, or meaningful conversations – find a quiet place to talk.

Your exercise:

Go at least one whole day of putting away, turning off, or muting anything that makes sounds or draws your attention during every conversation you have. You get bonus points if the day included any important or personal conversations, and if you usually don’t worry about removing the little distractions.

Your goal is to keep doing this until you start to notice the difference between when you do and when you don’t do this.

Many find the distraction-free conversations more engaging, more memorable, and more connected, even though they never used to feel like the little distractions affected them much.

Practice, practice, practice.

Active listening is an invaluable skill that can transform the way we collaborate, connect, and build stronger relationships – whether they’re personal or professional.

By incorporating these five simple exercises into your daily interactions, your active listening skills will improve, and over time, you’ll likely start noticing significant shifts in your relationships.

Remember, mastering the art of active listening takes time and practice, but the rewards it brings are truly worth the effort.