How Can You Get What You Want More Often?

Before we get to it, I need to say that asking for what you want is the best way to go when you want and need something specific at a specific time.

But this isn't an article about those things. This is an article about the things that aren't all that important, but that we'd like to have show up in our life more often.

It's an article about how I got a free, 10 minute scalp massage the last time I went to get my hair cut. About why so many of my friends give me backrubs. About why people buy me ice cream and cupcakes without even asking me. And lots more...

They do all this because they know I love all of these things. And they know that because I tend to announce it.

People generally like doing nice things for others. And they like it even more when they feel like it was their own idea.

So when they know what you would appreciate it, and it won’t cost them too much to give it to you, you’ll tend to get it more often.

How do I get what I want?

Last weekend I went to get my hair cut. Towards the end, the hairdresser said that it was time to wash my hair. I smiled and said, “great! That’s my favorite part, it's like a mini-spa day.”

She smiled and proceeded to give me the wash and massage usually reserved for the deluxe package – not the express one I was paying for. “It’s always more satisfying to do these for those who genuinely enjoy them,” she said.

A while back a friend of mine had a birthday, and a few of us got together for it (after all of us quarantined and got covid-tested beforehand). Early in the evening, I mentioned to the group that my back was stiff as a board and that I needed a massage. As the night went on, I got three.

Before the last workshop I taught, I wrote an article for the participants where I happened to mention my love of chocolate chip ice cream. On the first day of the workshop, two of the participants brought me some.

Again, keep in mind that in most cases – assertively asking for what we want or need is the right way to go.

But if it’s not an urgent need, if it’s not something that it’s important for us to get right now (or at all), announcing our love for something will - at times – inspire people to provide it for us. They will do it because it makes them feel good to do something nice for us without being asked.

And when they do, make sure you show them just how much you appreciate it. Your appreciation is what makes them feel good about themselves and makes this a win-win for everyone involved.