5 ways to be more convincing in disagreements.

We don't have to be argumentative, forceful, or create conflict in order to convince someone of our point of view when we disagree.

In fact, disagreements can be a fantastic source of growth, connection, and increased trust and respect if done right.

So let's dive into 5 of my favorite tips for being more convincing—without creating conflict.

1. Maintain eye contact while you speak.

The secret to confident eye contact is to give it while you’re the one speaking — and not just while you’re listening.

For most, it’s easier to maintain when they listen than when they speak. And when both people in a conversation do that, they end up only actually holding mutual eye contact for brief periods at a time.

So when you get into the habit of giving eye contact while you’re the one speaking, you’ll significantly increase the amount of eye contact in the conversation.

As for the being-more-convincing part, when you hold eye contact while making a point, it signals that you’re confident about what you’re saying. Which will make you far more credible and convincing.

2. Listen deeply.

If the other person doesn’t feel like you’re listening to them, they’re not very likely to listen to you either.

And not just for the obvious reason.

You see, refusing to listen to arguments that contradict your own tends to be interpreted as insecurity. And if the other person feels like we’re insecure about our arguments, they’re not very likely to be convinced by them.

As an extra bonus, listening deeply will help you understand the other person’s thoughts and reasoning even better. And that will make it a lot easier for you to create convincing counterpoints.

3. Know what you’re talking about.

Knowing what you’re talking about means two different things depending on the situation.

It can be factual or personal.

If you’re trying to convince someone of something factual, it means having up-to-date knowledge about relevant facts or case studies.

If the discussion is more subjective and opinion-based (such as which movie to pick or what vacation to go on), personal knowledge is usually far more important.

Personal knowledge includes things such as the other person’s tastes and preferences, previous experiences (with or without you), decision-making habits, and similar.

A lot of people use their knowledge of themselves to create their arguments by giving their own opinions on why one choice is better than another. But it is much more convincing to base our arguments on the other person’s thinking and history than our own.

4. Speak calmly and clearly.

A calm pace and proper annunciation of our words project confidence and tend to be more convincing.

If you have a tendency to speak fast when you’re excited or nervous, practice slowing yourself down.

When you’re able to speak calmly and clearly in any situation, you can experiment with increasing speed or volume to emphasize your points. But until that’s easy for you, a calm and steady tone will serve you best.

Wanna learn more about this one? Take a look at this reel I shared on IG a while back.

5. Focus most on the topic, not the person.

If you get defensive because of something they say about you, or they feel attacked or confronted by something you say about them, the discussion can easily turn into a conflict.

But when we keep our arguments focused on the topic of discussion — or even ourselves — and not the other person, we tend to avoid this.

By using I-statements and avoiding personal attacks, we can usually avoid this.

So instead of saying, “You’re being difficult, I know you have liked XYZ in the past, so just trust me on this one and we’ll have a great time!” We can say, “I feel like we’ve both enjoyed XYZ together in the past, haven’t we? And I would love to have that experience with you again.

Want to learn more techniques and strategies for winning arguments? Check out my How to Win Arguments course on LinkedIn for free here!