How to recover from (minor) mistakes in important conversations.

Have you ever been in the middle of answering a question only to realize you've completely forgotten what the question actually was?

Or maybe you sipped your coffee and spilled some on your shirt, accidentally spat out that piece of lettuce that was stuck in your teeth, called the person you’re talking to by the wrong name, or similar?

These moments can be stressful enough in casual conversations, but during important ones—like job interviews, negotiations, pitches, sales calls, and similar —they can feel downright mortifying.

But they do happen. So how should we handle them?

Should we keep talking and hope the other person didn’t notice? Or acknowledge what happened and risk making them aware of it?

Well, if you’ve been on the receiving side of this situation, you know how easy it is to notice little missteps like these. So the likelihood that the other person isn’t already aware of what just happened is very small.

By pretending it didn't happen, we've not only messed up a little, but we also risk coming across as someone who either lacks the self-awareness to realize what we did or as someone who doesn’t own our mistakes.

However, if we show that this really isn’t a big deal to us by acknowledging it with a smile and offering an honest explanation, maybe even with a little humor, something interesting happens.

Owning mistakes disarms them.

In one study, 201 managers watched simulated job interviews where something negative surfaced about the candidate, and the candidates responded in one of four ways: 

• They apologized and took responsibility
• They justified it by explaining why it happened
• They gave an excuse by blaming something other than themselves
• They ignored it and didn’t try to repair it 

The managers were then asked to rate all the candidates, and the results were clear: Those who did nothing to repair the situation received significantly lower ratings than all the other.

The other three strategies—apologies, justifications, and excuses—all worked to a similar extent when the managers were asked to focus on the candidate’s competence. But when they were asked to evaluate the candidate on integrity, apologizing was clearly the candidate’s best strategy.

And since both competence and integrity tend to be qualities that matter in high-stakes conversations, our safest bet is to offer a simple apology—and for bonus points, add a quick and simple explanation.

And this shouldn’t be a surprise. 

Most people feel more comfortable with and trusting of those who take responsibility for their mistakes and help us understand them, than those who refuse to acknowledge them at all.

But what should we say?

In the end, it’ll be up to you to figure out how to best express yourself, since cultural differences—between countries, industries, cultures, and sub-cultures—might be relevant. But the basic formula remains the same for most people in most situations.

(Smile -) Apologize - Explain - Restart.

“I’m sorry, I got so excited talking about this that I completely forgot what the question was! Could you remind me?”

By providing a simple apology, you demonstrate maturity and honesty. By explaining what happened, you demonstrate self-awareness and competence. And by starting over, you show that you’re willing and able to fix your mistakes.

You're not awkwardly ignoring what happened, and you’re also not treating it as a huge deal and apologizing profusely. 

You're simply admitting that you’re human, and demonstrating that small issues don’t stress you out enough to make you spiral.

The bottom line.

Don't panic, and don't pretend it didn't happen.

Briefly acknowledge and explain it, then go back to focusing on more important things.

Because here's what we often forget: occasional, small mistakes happen all the time and don’t disqualify competent people. But a refusal to acknowledge them and move forward gracefully? That actually might.