Has the pandemic made it harder for you to make new friends?
I get it. It has for a lot of people.
But the good news is that while there are new limitations on socializing these days, there are still simple things we can do to keep growing our social lives even now.
In my course about how to make friends and create better social circles I point out how important it is to take the initiative to spend time together with the people we want to build friendships with.
And while that is still true, there’s no denying that it’s a little trickier now than it was when I first made that course back in December of 2019.
And over the last few months, I’ve gotten several emails from students asking how they can adapt to the pandemic, instead of giving up on making new friends.
So this article will be about how to make friends in the pandemic. And it’s especially aimed at those who live in areas where their every-day situation is noticeably different than before.
Let me get this out of the way first. Every piece of advice I share in the course still works. And most of them are still important.
We just have to adapt them to what’s safe, and do things that fits within ours and the other person’s boundaries.
Our number one priority should be to keep ourselves and our fellow humans safe. Once we know how to do that, we can apply our techniques and strategies in whichever way they fit.
Let’s say that you’ve been pinging an old acquaintance. The conversations have started flowing nicely, and it’s time for you to give your invitation.
In the old world, all we’d have to do is say, “We should get together in real life, let’s go do <activity> on <day> at <time>.”
Today, though, many activities are shut down. And more than that, many people have new boundaries for what they’re comfortable doing socially.
So how do we adapt?
By learning those boundaries and creating an invitation that fits within them (as well as our own, of course).
And how do we do that?
By talking about it.
We tell them that we’d like to meet, and suggest something that is within our boundaries. Then we simply check to make sure that it’s something the other person is ok with too.
“I’d love to get together in real life. I’d be comfortable meeting up for a walk outdoors with masks. Is that something you’d be ok with?”
If the answer is yes, we’re good. Just set a day and a time, and enjoy your walk together.
If the answer is no, we simply ask what their boundaries are and see if there’s anything we’d both like to do within those.
If there isn’t, or if the other person is choosing not to socialize at all, we accept that and move on to what I describe in the final section of this article.
So as you probably see by now, there’s no rocket science to this.
All we have to do is take a moment to think about how the strategy or technique we want to use fits within the pandemic boundaries we have, and check with the other person if their comfort level matches ours.
But what if the other person is someone you don’t know? Or it’s a situation where you can’t know their comfort level before you engage with them?
All you have to do is to make sure you adhere to the guidelines and mandates that are in effect for your area.
An example could be if you’d like to start a conversation with a stranger at the supermarket.
If your area recommends wearing masks and social distancing, make sure you’re wearing your mask and staying appropriately far away when you start talking to them.
Once the conversation gets going and you want to move on to something more, you can now check for their boundaries.
“It’s been really nice talking to you, I’d like to do it again sometime. Would you be comfortable getting together for a walk outdoors later this week?”
If your comfort levels are simply incompatible and it becomes impossible to come up with a real-life activity that you can both enjoy – don’t.
Keep nurturing the friendship via phone, video chats, messaging, or whatever the two of you prefer.
Several of my clients in heavily affected areas have created “online friendships” with people that they now talk to regularly. And most of them feel like that’s almost as good as real-world friendships these days.
Don’t let the fact that there are fewer opportunities discourage you.
If you focus on the problem, it might end up seeming impossible to make friends in the pandemic.
So instead, look at the possibilities that still exist, and take advantage of them.
Hi, I'm TJ Guttormsen.
Since 2009 I’ve coached clients ranging from Olympic gold medalists and billionaires, to people who simply want more out life.
I’ve done over 100 national media appearances, published books, and created online courses that have earned several “Highest Rated” titles from their 11 000+ members.
Today I coach clients from all over the world, and teach seminars for business and events from my home in Las Vegas.
Come join me in my Facebook group, follow my Instagram, or subscribe to my YouTube channel for fresh content on a regular basis.