Boundary setting that creates more creative relationships

The idea of setting boundaries makes a lot of people a bit uncomfortable.

Many worry that they'll upset others, sound demanding, seem controlling, or a number of other similar concerns.

But the truth is that clear, healthy boundaries established in a respectful way actually tend to strengthen and improve both personal and professional relationships.

Boundaries expand relationships more than they limit them.

While boundaries might take certain behaviors or possibilities off the table, they can actually lead to people feeling like they have more freedom in a relationship.

When both people in a relationship understand and respect each other’s boundaries, it becomes much easier to think of new ideas and possibilities within the relationship. 

You see, studies show that constraints make it easier to be creative.

Consider, for example, the difference between being tasked to write a bedtime story about whatever you’d like versus a story about a bunny getting lost in the woods and finding her way home thanks to unexpected help.

For the vast majority of us, the bunny story will be much easier to write since we don’t have to consider all possible plotlines, characters, and events that might fit the format. We only have to consider those that fit within the boundaries of the story we’ve been asked for. The same principle goes for our relationships. 

Knowing whether our ideas for the relationship fit within the other person’s boundaries also tends to reduce the fear of upsetting them. As a result, we’re much more likely to suggest or take the initiative to do new things, and it becomes a lot easier to add pleasant surprises to the relationship, too.

On the other hand, we know that uncertainty tends to feel stressful. So when we don't know what someone’s needs or boundaries are, we tend to hold back and play it safe. 

We avoid suggesting new experiences or being fully ourselves because we're worried about accidentally crossing a line we didn't know existed.

In other words, clear boundaries actually create more variety and freedom in relationships, not less.

And on top of all this, of course, comes the simple fact that if we haven’t shared our needs and boundaries with others, we’re significantly more likely to experience conflict, upset, and hurt feelings unnecessarily.

How to establish healthy boundaries.

The good news is that creating clear boundaries doesn't have to be complicated or uncomfortable.

While it is possible to establish boundaries as-you-go in a relationship, by addressing them when they’re relevant to what’s going on, this can be a risky tactic. You’ll have to be prepared to forgive and forget a lot, and to have potentially uncomfortable conversations when your boundaries are crossed.

A far better strategy is to have an actual boundary-conversation with the people who play a significant role in your life (either emotionally, practically, or simply because of the time you’re around them).

This doesn’t need to be a heavy, serious conversation. In fact, it’s often best to keep things light and have the conversation when everyone’s in a generally good mood.

A simple way to initiate these conversations is saying something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking a bit about how this relationship/our collaboration can work best for me, and I’d love to know that about you too. Are you open to a conversation about what we both want and need?”

And don't make it a one-time conversation. At least in your closest and most meaningful relationships, it’s a good idea to revisit the conversation now and then. 

People grow, and circumstances change, and what worked for you six months ago might not work today. Regular check-ins give everyone time to reflect and adjust boundaries as needed.

This ongoing dialogue also shows that you care about the relationship enough to make an effort to maintain it. And it gives both of you permission to evolve without fear that changing needs will damage your connection or collaboration.

The bottom line.

Boundaries aren't barriers. They're the foundation that allows relationships to grow safely.

When you're clear about what you need and what others can expect from you, you give your relationships their best chance to thrive. You create space for honesty, growth, and genuine connection.

So don't be afraid to speak up about your boundaries. And don't be afraid to ask others about theirs. The relationships that matter will only get stronger for it.

PS: Want to learn a little more about how to do this? Take a look at this video from my LinkedIn Learning course “Becoming Assertive: Advocate for Your Interests.”