How to have interesting conversations. - TJ Guttormsen

How to have interesting conversations.

Hi guys, would you like to have more interesting conversations?

Great! Cause I’ve got a video for you on that exact topic.

Those of you who already learned about my favorite conversation technique, will have a slight advantage with what I teach in this new video, but it will work well for everyone.

(Do you prefer reading rather than watching a video? Just scroll down!)

First: Why interesting is better than impressive.

Did you know that being interesting will ALWAYS beat being impressive in the long run?

Imagine that you’re hanging out with two people. Let’s call them Chad and Tom.

Chad is a gymnast. He can do flips and handstands and bend his body in ways that bodies probably shouldn’t bend. And Chad loves showing off his skills.

When you first meet him he does a bit of a flip, and your mind is blown. You ask him to do it again. He does, and you are thoroughly impressed.

Meanwhile, Tom sits down with you. And while the two of you watch Chad being impressive, you have an interesting conversation.

Perhaps you start talking about Chad and his impressive abilities. Then you talk about you. Maybe you talk about Tom. Or maybe about any of a million things that you’re both interested in.

How long do you think it’ll take for you to stop watching Chad be impressive and get lost in the conversation with Tom?

A minute? Five? Fifteen?

Unless you’re a huge fan of gymnastics, odds are that once you’ve seen Chad show off all his tricks once or twice, your attention will be fully on Tom.

Because while things become less impressive the more you experience it, things we’re interested in do not become less interesting the more you explore it.

So with that out of the way, the only question that remains is, how do we know what’s interesting to talk about?

 

Interesting topics of conversation.

I’ve previously shared what everyone’s favorite topic is. But, obviously, we can’t talk about the same thing over and over again for eternity.

So how do we choose what to talk about?

Before I tell you, I have to reveal the one dirty little secret that too many of my communication coach colleagues never talk about:

We’re not going to be interesting to everyone we ever talk to. That’s simply not possible.

Some people are going to be so different than us that we’re just not compatible. And that’s perfectly ok. We shouldn’t spend our energy trying to win over people who don’t fit into our lives anyway. So when that happens, we move on and find someone else to be interesting with.

But when we are compatible with someone, knowing how to be interesting is all about knowing what we’re interested in.

You see, it’s really simple. The people you’re compatible with are the people with whom you have a certain amount of matching interests, values, opinions, or experiences.

And we all find it interesting to talk about the things that are important to us. Such as our interests, values, opinions, or experiences.

So when I talk to someone about psychology or communication and we both share those interests, odds are that it will be an interesting conversation for both of us.

Makes sense?

So, in order to be more interesting to the people that you are genuinely compatible with, you have to know what you find interesting.

Let me give you a simple exercise to do that will help you master this in no time. And afterwards, I’ll give you one more way to use this technique that makes it more powerful than any other conversation technique I’ve ever found.

 

The interesting exercise.

Write a list of all the topics you’re interested in.

All the things you have opinions about, or experiences with and that you think are fun, interesting, or exciting to talk about.

It can include anything from hobbies, areas of knowledge, life experiences, and so on.

Once you have that list, practice bringing those topics up in conversation.

You can do this with friends, family, colleagues, and yes – even strangers.

The better you get at bringing up these topics in conversation, the quicker you’ll become more interesting to talk to.

And here’s the simple trick to make it all work: Whenever you see that someone actively engages you on whatever topic you bring up, you’ll know that they find it interesting and you can keep talking about it.

(Actively engaging means that they talk more, ask more questions, or pay very close attention to what you’re saying.)

And whenever someone doesn’t actively engage, you can let that topic die and move on to another one from your list.

If you are genuinely compatible with the person you’re talking to, you’ll soon enough find several topics that both of you find interesting.

 

The super-charged version of this technique.

Now I want you to write a second list.

This one is going to be even more powerful and give you even more interesting things to talk about.

I want you to write a list of things you’re interested in knowing about the other person.

This can be about their personality, qualities, values, experiences, interests, stories – whatever.

What are you genuinely interested in listening to other people talk about?

And if you feel like you might be interested in different things depending on who the other person is, please feel free to write different lists for different situations.

There might, for example, be a difference in what you’re interested in knowing about a potential romantic partner and a potential friend.

Once you know what you’re genuinely interested in learning about different people, practice moving the conversation onto those topics.

As I said in my previous video, everyone’s favorite topic is themselves. As long as they feel like the other person is truly enjoying the conversation.

 

Now practice.

Once you have these lists ready, and once you’ve practiced them enough that bringing those topics into any conversation becomes easy. You’ll know how to be interesting, how to keep a conversation going, how to continue a conversation for as long as you’d like, and more.

This is one of the things that charismatic, charming, and socially successful people do more than anyone.

And all it’s going to take for you to join them is a little bit of practice.

Thanks for watching, and don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out on videos like this in the future!
– TJ

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My most popular online courses:

Authentic Assertiveness: Next level communication skills.
The secrets of Confidence and Communication.
How to make friends and create better social circles.

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