Never forget to ask the important questions again

Have you ever walked out of a doctor's appointment and realized you forgot to ask something?

Or forgotten what you were planning to ask your friend, colleague, or partner because the conversation got heated? Or the mechanic, because you got nervous? Or the vet, because you were too concerned about your pet?

Most of us have had experiences like these.

The moment our emotions flare up in any way, our memory and ability to think clearly decrease, and it becomes easy to forget what we meant to say or ask.

Now, there’s a very simple solution to this. But it’s so simple that when people feel calm and centered, it can seem almost ridiculous to do it—so they don’t.

Then they regret it later.

So…

Write down your questions when you’re (somewhat) calm

Before any conversation, meeting, call, or appointment where there’s a chance you might start feeling more emotional, write down a list of your most important questions.

You can write it down on your phone, a piece of paper, a notepad, an open document on your computer screen, or wherever makes sense to you—as long as it’s easy to pull up during the conversation.

Easy enough, right?

You’d think so. But the next step is equally important: You have to actually use it.

Tell them you have a list

The best way to both disarm the list's existence and feel less confrontational, silly—or whatever else your nerves may make you feel about reading your list of questions—is to explain it.

"I tend to lose track of things in situations like this, so I wrote a few questions down. Is it okay if I go through them quickly?"

I don’t think anyone has ever told me no, since that would feel unprofessional and/or disrespectful to most people.

As a bonus, people tend to become a little more focused and patient when you do this. It demonstrates that you’re clearly interested in what they have to say, which makes most people feel good about themselves.

Ask like you're curious, not like you're suspicious

Sometimes, asking questions can feel accusatory, confrontational, or similar.

To counteract this, both for yourself and others, the trick is to ask in the curious tone of someone wanting to understand or prepare, rather than the authoritative tone of someone looking for mistakes.

• “I’m not sure I understand why X. Could you walk me through it, please?”
• "So you collected blood to test X, correct? When can we expect those results?"

This will also help you discover if there have been any misunderstandings or if something you expected to happen hasn’t. And in those situations, ask why with that curious tone rather than switching to frustration.

Treat this part of the conversation as information gathering. And if there’s an issue, wait until you feel you fully understand why the issue exists before you choose how to respond or correct it.

This approach also has a positive long-term effect on the people you interact with regularly. Once they realize that you show up prepared, they’ll tend to become more thorough when giving you information.

Not because they feel stressed or pressured to, but because they start anticipating what you’re going to ask and simply include that information from the start.

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