Get to know your future self to build confidence today

If I asked you to write down a description of who you are right now, you could probably do a pretty decent job.

But what if I asked you to describe who you want to become?

Not what you want to accomplish or have. Not your goals or milestones. But the actual person you’re trying to grow into. Could you describe that person equally clearly?

Most people assume this is an easy task until they actually try and discover that it can be quite a challenge.

But if you’re interested in growing your confidence, that’s a challenge you should take on.

Knowing where you’re going changes how you feel today

A team of researchers recently tested a new concept they call aspirational self-clarity—the degree to which you have a clear, well-defined picture of the person you want to become.

They did three studies involving over 1,100 people, and found that those who had a clearer picture of their desired future self also reported higher self-confidence, a stronger sense of purpose, and deeper commitment to personal growth.

In other words, knowing who you want to become can make you feel better about yourself today and make you more likely to reach that future goal.

Why this happens

Think about the last time you felt genuinely confident about something. 

Chances are that you had (somewhat) realistic expectations of yourself, as well as a very clear sense of what you were doing and why you were doing it.

When you know who you are today and how you want to grow, these three things all tend to show up.

Knowing who we are—and accepting that person despite a desire to grow—tends to make us set attainable and realistic expectations and short-term goals for ourselves. And knowing who we want to grow into makes it much easier to figure out what to do and understand why we need to do it. 

Combined, this gives us a clear sense of direction and makes it easier to track our progress, which tends to boost our sense of accomplishment, motivation, and confidence.

On the other hand, if our idea of our future selves is fuzzy and undefined, it becomes easy to second-guess our decisions, constantly change priorities and focus, and lose track of the progress we make.

How to improve your aspirational self-clarity

While their initial findings were interesting, the researchers didn’t stop at just measuring aspirational self-clarity. They also wanted to see whether it could be increased.

And with the help of a very simple exercise—one I’ve been encouraging my clients to do for years—their test subjects significantly increased their aspirational self-clarity scores.

The exercise?

Spend time writing about who you want to become, and why.

Aspirational self-clarity isn’t some fixed personality trait that you either have or don’t. It’s more like learning how to draw or paint. 

It’s a skill you can sharpen by regularly working on defining the person you want to become, whether that person is very different than the one you are today, or just a slightly modified version.

An easy way to get started

Again, this isn’t about having a detailed image of your future life. It’s about having a clear idea of the person you want to be.

And a good place to start solidifying this idea is to create a list of questions to answer. Things like:

• “What kind of person do I want to be in my relationships?”
  Not what kind of relationship you want—but what kind of partner, friend, or colleague you want to show up as.
  
  
• “How do I want to handle difficult moments?”
  When things go wrong, when conflicts pop up, when mistakes are made—what do you want your priorities to be? How do you want to communicate?
  
  
• “How do I want to treat, speak to, and think about myself?”
  When no one is watching or listening, when you’re making personal choices, when your actions only affect you—how do you want to act toward yourself?

These are just examples, and I encourage you to create your own list of questions that are relevant to the person you want to grow into.

The point isn’t to come up with the perfect list that covers absolutely everything the first time you sit down to do this exercise. The point is to sharpen your image of your future self, one bit at a time.

Come back to this exercise now and then, both to continue to get to know your future self and to keep an eye on your progress as you get closer and closer to that person.

Few things within personal growth feel as good as realizing that something you once wrote down as a future goal is now an effortless and natural part of who you’ve become.

All the best,
TJ

💻 Learn more: Check out my LinkedIn Learning courses about communication, confidence, and self-esteem.

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Study: Brown, R. P., et al. (2026). On Knowing Who You Want to Become: Validating a Measure of Aspirational Self-Clarity. Journal of Personality Assessment. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41940637/