How to say no when you need to. - TJ Guttormsen

How to say no when you need to.

Let’s talk about how to say no – and being comfortable doing it.

But first: Big news!

 After a vote in my Facebook group, it’s been decided that my next online course will be about assertiveness.

 Being able to assert yourself is useful in many situations. Whether it’s speaking your mind more often, setting boundaries, asking for what you want, or a million other things – we tend to get better results when we’re able to do it assertively.

One of the chapters in this course will be about saying no. Because it turns out that many adults around the world struggle with how to say no in a comfortable way when they need to.

We are often raised to be helpful, to say yes, to do the right thing, to be nice… And while these are all admirable qualities, too many of us end up letting them negatively affect our ability to say no when we need to.

A lot of people think that saying no might upset others, that it’s rude, that it’s selfish. But the truth is that if we keep saying yes when we want to say no – we’ll eventually get to a point where we are unable to fulfill our yes’.

Saying yes to things that require more from us than we want, and more than we are able to give is destructive.

It tears away at our energy, our motivation, and often even our confidence.

Our mind starts putting other people and their needs ahead of our own. And pretty soon we start feeling tired, apathetic, maybe even depressed. Our body and mind have no more to give but keeps trying to.

We start making promises that we end up being unable to live up to. The people around us start becoming disappointed, upset, maybe even angry.

This, again, tears away at our energy, motivation, and often even our confidence.

 

So you see, saying no is a good thing.

Saying no is what enables us to keep helping. To keep showing up for others.

When we never say no, we might be able to be there for others a lot – for a little while. And then we’ll fade away and potentially lose both ourselves and the people around us.

When we say no whenever we need to, however, we will stay energized and motivated. We’ll show ourselves that we are our first priority (which does wonders for our confidence). And we’ll be able to keep every yes we say because we’ll have the resources needed to keep our promises.

If you struggle to tell people no – whether it’s friends or family, coworkers, your boss, or whoever else – remember that a reluctant yes will reduce your ability to be helpful in the long run. While an honest no will make you stronger and enable you to have a long-term helpful relationship with that person.

So practice saying no.

You can start small if you want, by saying no to the kind of things that don’t really matter. But make sure you get to the big noes as quickly as you can.

Don’t let your need to say yes in the moment, ruin your ability to say yes in the future.

And if you want some help to increase your social confidence enough that this becomes even easier, learn new social techniques, how to be more assertive, and so on – there’s always my online video courses 😉

-TJ
 

Let’s connect on social media!

Join my Facebook group Centered Communication.
Follow me on Instagram @tjguttormsen.
Subscribe to my YouTube channel.

My most popular online courses:

Authentic Assertiveness: Next level communication skills.
The secrets of Confidence and Communication.
How to make friends and create better social circles.

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