How easily do you get help from others?
A little while ago I quietly launched a little course I called “Fun Social Ninja Hacks”.
It’s just a silly little thing with 13 videos that gives you quick little social tricks you can use to improve your results, but one of the videos, in particular, has been very popular, so today I thought I’d share the concept of it with you.
(Before I do, though, don’t buy this course. Seriously. It sells at $20. But for about half that you can get my Confident Communication course – which includes the Fun Social Ninja Hack course as a bonus! So you get both courses at half the price of this one.)
How to get help with anything.
As a general rule, people don’t like to feel like they owe other people anything. And this rule is so ingrained in us that it influences a lot of our decisions without us even noticing. This is called the reciprocity principle in psychology.
The most interesting (and useful;) thing about this is that while our logical, conscious, thinking will always compare the value between what someone do for you and what you do for them, our subconscious mind doesn’t.
If I were to tell you, “if I take out your trash for me, you’ll come help me paint my house in return, right?” you might laugh at the proposal. After all, taking out your trash is a much smaller job than painting my house, so the return value is tiny.
If I, however, was hanging out at your place and took your trash out “just to be nice” and without calling any attention to it, and then a couple of minutes later ask if you’re free this weekend because I could really use some help painting my house – things might be different.
By avoiding a logical, conscious, comparison between the two acts – and by not making you feel pressured – I can bypass your value-based thinking, and still play on your mind’s desire to “even the score”.
Since your subconscious mind doesn’t measure the value of one favor against another – simply the act of one favor against another – I stand a better chance of making your subconscious mind encourage you to say yes, than I would if I simply asked without taking the trash out.
This is a sneaky little social hack that is often used by top salespeople, negotiators and social leaders. And it’s really easy:
Do something for someone without calling any attention to it. Then, a very short time after, ask for the favor you want – making sure you never connect the favor you did for them with the favor you’re asking them to do.
It’s not foolproof, and if the other person really doesn’t want to do that favor for you they’ll still say no. But statistically speaking, the odds that you’ll get what you want increase greatly when you do this.
Enjoy, and use responsibly! 😉